People often say that life is too short to wake up each
morning with regrets. They say that we should forget all the wrong deeds we’ve
done before and move on. Those things which feels like perfect were what most
of us will choose. No one would want to live in the present, regretting the wrong
decisions in the past. No one would prefer to dream of the future, regretting
the unacceptable deeds in the past. It’s just always about to move on, or not
to move on. All people want is to live
the present and dream of the future harmoniously, without regretting the past
deeds and bitter decisions. But oftentimes, it’s hard for us not to regret.
No matter how much we try not to regret of our past, we
cannot still defeat it. The regrets won’t just leave us no matter what. They are
part of our lives. There will always be a time when regret will knock on our
door, bringing back the harsh memories of the past. Each of us has our own
regrets that we just want to leave behind. It just means that what people say
about knocking down our regrets is not that easy and will never be. Trying not
to regret is breathing. It’s inevitable for us.
I, myself, also have regrets in my life. But of all those
regrets, there’s the most regretful decision that bothered me every second of
my life. This decision was not mainly what I decided. I was too young back then
to decide on my own, so my parents decided for me. They thought that their
decision was the best for me. They thought of it like they were really sure. My
parents chose to let my grandma take care of me while they are working. My grandma
took care of me, gave me all her love and treated me like I was her own
daughter. My life was a fairy tale back then.
When I grew older and had the chance to decide on my own, my parents asked me
if I want to live with them and study high school in Manila, leaving my
grandma. It was bittersweet. I felt happy because I will be able to have them,
but there was also something inside me that wants to pull back. I love my
grandma. I treated her like my own mom and I would never want to leave her. I
already love the place where I grew up, so I rejected my parents. I decided
that I will live with them when I’m in college. I know that it brought so much pain to my parents, but I didn't even thought of it. I disappointed them. I felt like I was the best
daughter in the world.
Months passed peacefully, not until my second year in high school. My uncle and
I had a fight. This was the start of nightmares during daytime. Our peaceful
house became restless. A time came when he scared the hell out of me. I was
carrying my dinner one night going upstairs. He’s in a bad mood and we got in a
fight. The next thing I know was I ran upstairs, seeing him behind me. He has a
mop ready to hit me. I went in a room and locked myself. I was shaking, sobbing
and scared. That’s when regret occupied my mind. I shouldn’t have been here. I should
have chosen to live with my parents. Since then, peacefulness left our house. At
once it was happy, we shared moments together, then it became a war. My mom and
my uncle, her sibling, also had a fight. Their other siblings became worried. It
was like the sky had fallen on me. One of my mom’s siblings blamed me. It made
me regret my choice even more. If I weren’t in this house, then they will still
be happy, my grandma would still be glad, I would still be fine and my parents would not be disappointed with me. I hate myself for doing this damage,
but I cannot do anything. I want to leave, but I still need to wait for one
more year so I can go to college.
If I could go back to the past and change my decision, I would
definitely do it. I regret my choice every second I see my grandma sad because
of what happened to us. I regret my choice every second I remember what I did. I
regret my choice every time I remember that it was my fault. I regret it every
time I realize that I changed this home into a house. This decision is the most
regretful thing I made in the past.
Despite of having these regrets, we should face each joyful morning
with a smile. We should focus on not regretting again, instead of being worried
about the past. Each of us should consider the possible outcomes of the things
we do. We should think first before doing it. it does not mean that our mind
should always be the first thing to follow. It’s just better to follow our mind
in deciding for our best as well as for others. We should not let regret scare
us. Forget the past no matter how impossible it is and remember what it taught
you because experience is the greatest teacher in life.
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